I felt so proud to breastfeed.
I know pride + motherhood can come off like you’re full of yourself. I also try to be sensitive to the struggles of others, but It’s been a honor to produce milk and be able to feed my boy in this way. It’s been just as much a journey and connection for me as pregnancy. So much of motherhood hurts at first. Pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding in the beginning .... it all physically hurts to some degree. But just like so many other aspects of this process, once you push past the pain and unease you arrive at something new and magical. For me the struggles of parenthood highlight the ultimate truths of the human experience and our connection to the Divine. The basic conflict of human kind and the miracles that happen when you release control and breathe in to the reality that all there is is love.
He is part of me. He came into form inside mine and then feed off of me. And as we slowly peel apart, separating ourselves from one another, I am yet again humbled by this adventure. I am reminded that while I gave life to him, he is not mine. That my pride for the precious past is fine, but not to hold on for too long because the present moment is our truest form of reality.
I’m still having a hard time. I didn’t know it was going to end in such a abrupt way. Plus now I feel like the real work of rediscovering self has begun. My body is fully mine again. Which feels exciting and scary because I was never great at taking care of myself before. .
Photos by: Alex Kacha
